


Lost in the Translation

by StarvingLunatic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/F, Misunderstandings, One Shot, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarvingLunatic/pseuds/StarvingLunatic
Summary: Regina thinks the connection she feels with Emma is all in her mind. She says as much the day before Emma is going to marry Hook. Emma has to act fast before she loses Regina. SwanQueen.





	Lost in the Translation

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own these characters; Disney does. I also don’t own the song _Talking to Myself_ ; Linkin Park does.
> 
> A/N: I found myself listening to Linkin Park all day last Thursday (RIP Chester Bennington) and ended up listening to _Talking to Myself_ on repeat. I felt like it fit Regina and Emma and every time I heard it, a little more of the story formed until I had this.
> 
> This is a song fic, which I don’t usually do. Yes, I have stories based on songs, but I don’t usually plug the lyrics into stories. I’ve turned the lyrics from _[Talking to Myself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvs68OKOquM)_  into thoughts and dialogue here. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for your time.
> 
> Public Service Announcement: Hook appears in the story, but doesn’t have any lines. In fact, he barely moves. Robin is mentioned often, but is still dead. I haven’t seen any of season six, but this story has the wedding scheduled for after “the final battle” (whatever the battle was). Okay, enough of that. On with the story.

Lost in the Translation

Regina sat across from the main table in the reception hall, staring at Emma smiling at Hook. He sat up like he was king of the world, and, really, he should. He practically hit the lottery, after all. Whereas Regina had to finally admit to herself that all this time she had just been talking to herself.

She was such a fool, stuck at the rehearsal dinner for the wedding that would take place tomorrow. The hall was decorated beautifully, but the flowers choked the air with their musk and seemed more fitting for a funeral to Regina. Of course, it was a funeral of sorts, a funeral for her emotions, for her happiness. That did not matter. She did not matter.

Emma was intent on having her wedding, especially after just beating death, winning the so-called final battle. The wedding would be a celebration of their victory over evil. It would be a wedding where Regina would struggle not to stand up and put an end to the whole thing and, for once, it would have nothing to do with being dramatic or seeking revenge. Emma deserved better, more. Emma deserved what she wanted.

Regina shook her head as her heart beat so loudly she could hear each thump, pounding in her head, feeling even more like a fool. Even now, she did not want to give up on Emma. They locked eyes and she tried again, tried to connect with Emma, tried to talk to Emma in their own unique language. _Tell me what I’ve gotta do_.

Emma did not respond, not verbally or any way that struck confidence in Regina. In fact, she flinched and turned back to Hook, smiling at him even more, like she was some sort of vapid idiot, as he said whatever new asinine thing that caught his fancy. It was salt on an already gaping wound. Regina frowned and her nerves twitched, ready to split apart. Her heart slowly cracked, soon to shatter. _There’s no getting through to you_.

It was like trying to converse with a wall. Regina ground her teeth together, stoking flames searing her already-scorched nerves. She wanted to burn everything, frilly flowers, delicate ribbons, and especially Emma’s damn plain beige dress. She wanted to snap Hook’s neck, watch the life go out of his eyes. Not even with her magic. She wanted to hold his throat in her grip, bite her nails into his flesh, feel his blood trickle on her fingertips, and then tear his damn throat out.

Didn’t that bastard see what he did to Emma? Didn’t he see what was going on with Emma? _The lights are on, but nobody’s home_. Emma was not happy. She was not even going through motions. Regina thought it was plain as day, but Hook just accepted that the woman on his arm was how she was supposed to be, like Emma was made for him instead of the fact that Emma made herself for him.

Regina tried to talk to Emma about it, several times to no avail. _You say I can’t understand, but you’re not giving me a chance_. Emma seemed to think she was going through something unique and refused to hear any other sides. Whenever Regina thought they were getting somewhere, Emma pulled away. Regina knew what that meant, even if Emma tried to act like everything was normal or when Regina thought everything was just her imagination. _When you leave me where do you go?_

It was beyond physically leaving. Regina knew physically if Emma was not with her, then she was usually where she was right now—at Hook’s side. No, Emma left her in so many other ways, in much worse ways. In ways, Regina had no idea how to track, no idea how to get Emma back. Did she retreat into her insecurities? Regina was not sure. She thought she should be able to bring Emma back from those.

Why did Emma pull away from her? It could not be that she could not understand. Regina felt like there were times she was the only one who could understand. But, Emma did not agree, or so she said. That felt like a lie, but why? And if it was, why would Emma lie about it?

 _All the walls that you keep building_. Emma was an expert at putting a wall between them. Hook being the ultimate wall, but telling Regina that she did not understand was almost as good. It cut deep, ripped at her, and troubled her sleep more often than not. Hell, now that she thought about it, those words might have been much better a barrier than Hook. Having them echo in her mind made her stomach turn and her throat burn.

For a brief period, Emma even hid behind her obligations and her desire to please her parents. None of it worked. Regina kept coming.

 _All the time that I spent chasing_ … The thought made Regina growl. She should regret it, should view it as a waste of time, and should wash her hands of Emma. She could not do it, though. She would chase Emma to the ends of the Earth and beyond. Their little trip to Hell proved that. _All the ways I keep losing you_. Hell proved that.

It was time to face facts. _The truth is, you turn into someone else_. The Emma she watched right now was not her Emma. Emma had transformed into some other creature, some other entity. For Hook. Regina almost threw up in her mouth. She lost Emma, but Emma lost herself, probably from all the avoiding, evading, and downright fleeing. That was what Emma did, after all. _You keep running like the sky is falling_.

Emma was a runner. Regina accepted that. She thought she could work with it. She thought eventually Emma would stop running or just run back to her when it was all said and done. After all, she thought they had a conversation going, but she was wrong. _I can whisper, I can yell_. She could say or do whatever she wanted, but it did not matter, not now. She thought they had some kind of dialogue, something just between them. _But, I know, yeah, I know_. It was time to face the truth. _I’m just talking to myself_.

Once, they had a discussion going. Regina had to believe that was true. How long had she been talking to herself? Why had she been talking to herself? She had been so certain there was a conversation there, but she had been so very wrong. How? None of this made any sense. What the hell could she not understand? She knew better than most about parental pressure, social obligations, a desire to be loved and wanted, and terrible relationships. So, what the hell could she not understand? She needed answers.

Regina was up before she realized it, body blazing with indignation and fiery to the point where she itched. She moved by people, hardly seeing them, pushing through to her target. Some people dived out of her way, like they could see the determination in her eyes… or maybe something darker.

Emma danced with David now. Each movement seemed heavy, burdened. Her eyes were haunted, dull, and her mouth set in a firm line that made her lipstick look painted, as if she were some pretty doll. Even her skin was paler than porcelain now. Regina did not understand how no one else saw it.

“Mind if I cut in?” Regina did not wait for an answer, practically throwing David out of the way to take his place.

Emma fell into step with her, changing to the lead as if that was natural for her. Regina followed, gliding along with her. They fit together, just as they always did. Still, things were different.

Emma had on perfume. Some scent that Regina could not place, but it sliced through her airways, as if trying to kill her. Who was this Emma? An Emma who dressed like her mother on a bad day and wore perfume that could murder grass. Regina did not pull away, though. Regina refused to believe they stopped having a conversation, refused to believe Emma was completely lost to her. They worked too easily, flowed too easily. Their discourse had to still be there.

“Hey, Regina,” Emma said. “What do you think?” She looked around the place. Even her voice was different, subdued. Not even tamed, more defeated and exhausted.

Regina refused to fall into small talk. “I admit I’ve made mistakes.” She faced that. Beyond trying to kill Snow, beyond the Curse, and beyond trying to destroy Emma. There were so many mistakes, but they could not be the end of the world, their world. It was no reason to stop talking to her.

Emma blinked. “Regina?”

Regina pressed herself closer to Emma. “But, yours might cost you everything,” she hissed. Was Emma willing to throw it all away for Hook? For obligations? For judgment? For a story that was never hers? Emma was not a story, permanently etched on a drying, dead page. Emma was a conversation, flowing, changing, paused, and continuing, constant action. This Emma was muted. Did their connection, their family mean so little to Emma?

Emma swallowed. “Don’t do this.”

“Can’t you hear me calling you home?” Regina had been doing that before they even realized there was a conversation. Her eyes stung and her jaw trembled, but she held back tears.

“Regina, please,” Emma begged, but she did not pull away. “Tomorrow is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.”

Regina squeezed her hand enough to get Emma’s attention. “All the walls you keep building.” Somehow, she kept the waver out of her voice. She stared at Emma for Emma to understand she would scale any and every wall.

“I’m not. My walls are coming down. I’m opening up.” Emma did not get the message.

“All this time I spent chasing…” Regina growled, fire scorching her belly now. How dare Emma ignore what she was saying? How dare Emma pretend none of it mattered?

Emma scowled. “You spent chasing? Are you kidding me?” Emma yanked her closer and glared at her with powerful, forceful, angry eyes. “You really think you’re chasing me? You’re standing in my way. Tomorrow _is_ the happiest day of my life.”

Regina’s stomach knotted and her chest burned. How dare Emma act like she was wrong? But, Emma seemed intent. “All the ways I keep losing you…” To Hook, to Pan’s Curse, to Neal, to her mother’s set up, to the Enchanted Forest, and to her own Curse.

Emma scoffed. “Losing me?” It was like nothing would get through to Emma. This was not Emma, not _her_ Emma.

“The truth is, you turn into someone else.” Regina had to accept that. She tried, but she could not possibly have this conversation, _their_ conversation, with someone who was not in on it.

“Excuse me?” 

“You keep running like the sky is falling,” Regina said, flinging Emma’s hand from her. Emma had run right to Hook, right to what everyone else wanted, and did not even realize what she had become in the process. 

“I’ve stopped running. I’ve stopped running for this,” Emma insisted, pointing all around them to people who did not give a damn about Emma.

Regina shook her head. “I can whisper. I can yell. But, I know…” She sighed, her shoulder falling. “I’m talking to myself.” Regina stepped away, the sound of her heels on the tiled floor drumming through her. “I’m talking to myself.” She needed to get out of here, away from this person she did not know, away from this unintelligible conversation. _How long has it been one-sided?_

-8-8-8-8-

Emma watched Regina storm away with her usual flare and sway of her hips, highlighted by her knee length, body-hugging dress. Emma did not understand what the hell just happened. How could Regina walk away from her? Not even vanish in a puff of purple smoke, but actually walk away with each step punctuating her departure, putting a hole in Emma’s heart. How could Regina act like this was all her fault? For years, she had tried with Regina and felt like she got nowhere. Well, not nowhere, but they had a huge ass bump in the road and never seemed to get back on quite right. _Tell me what I’ve gotta do_.

It was her fault. Emma always felt like it was her fault, like she had not done enough, even though she felt like she tried everything. _There’s no getting through to you_. No matter what she did, it was never enough.

Sometimes, she felt like Regina tolerated her presence for Henry and nothing else, especially after all that business with Robin. _The lights are on, but nobody’s home_. She felt like she was always stuck on the other side of the door since that crap with not-Marian and Robin. Somehow, even Zelena managed forgiveness, but Emma had not been worthy. It did not help that Robin was their only casualty in their trip to the underworld.

 _You say I can’t understand_. Like Emma did not know what it meant to lose at love or to have a lover die right in front of her. Hell, like Emma did not know what it meant to have no one on her side, no one to believe in her. _But, you’re not giving me a chance_. Regina would not let her in.

Every time Emma thought she could finally have an open conversation Regina shut down on her. From when she pulled Henry out of the mine to pulling Regina out of that fire to coming back with the trigger to helping Regina look for her Happy Ending. She was there, trying her best to communicate that to Regina, but Regina always pulled away. _When you leave me where do you go?_

The question haunted Emma. Hell, frightened her, even now her nerves quivered and it took everything to keep her from shaking. Whenever Regina drifted from her, which was all too often, where did she go? Yes, to the arms of Robin was the obvious one, but where did she go before him? After him? What if, one day, Regina never came back? The idea used to be enough to make her tremble, curl inside of herself long moments, and bring tears to her eyes. It almost brought her to her knees right now. She did not know what to do about it.

Instead of talking about what was wrong, Regina retreated into memories and guilts. But, which memories and which guilts? She fled harder than someone who escaped out of prison. Regina did not want to talk, so how dare she think she was the one talking to herself?

Regina had the nerve to think Emma was the one with walls? The very idea made Emma want to punch something. _All the walls that you keep building_. Regina had forts on top of forts on top of forts. From the Curse, to her grudge, to Robin Hood, to everything. It never lasted long, though. Emma just could not stay away. _All the time I spent chasing_ …

After a while, running after someone and running away from someone grew tiring. Emma was spent and even her fear could not keep her moving. _All the ways I keep losing you_. Between falling through portals, falling for stupid tricks, and just being worn down, it was hard to keep going, to keep trying to communicate, especially when it felt like she was not getting anything back. So, Regina drifted and Hook caught up. It made sense anyway. Hook did not ignore her. He wanted to be there with her. He did chase her. Of course, he did not seem very interested in talking.

Hook’s language was off, weird. Emma could not quite get it, so she did not try after a while. They never seemed to get in the same conversation thread, but it was close enough. The chitchat she had with Regina, the way they had about them ate at the back of her mind often, though. It did not matter. Regina acted like Emma had changed. It was nothing like that. _But, the truth is, you turn into someone else_.

That was a huge part of the problem. Regina seemed to change with the wind. First a concerned mother, then a villain, then a hero, then a follower, then a leader… and then Robin Hood showed up and Emma did not even know what the hell Regina was. That Regina cried at the drop of hat, ran off after Robin even when there were villains afoot, and nothing she did made sense. With each change, there was an ebb and flow to them that Emma could not get the hang of. _You keep running like the sky is falling_.

Regina would win marathons with the way she ran. Whenever Emma thought they were on the same page, Regina took a left turn and vanished from the conversation. _I can whisper. I can yell_. Regina only responded when it suited her, sometimes days too late. Emma was sick of it. Sick of trying to keep the conversation going. _But, I know, yeah, I know._ It took her a while to realize it, but she got it now. _I’m talking to myself_.

“Hey, where’s Mom going?” Henry asked, appearing at her side. He was dressed in a sharp brown suit, but she had not seen much of him to know if he was having a good time. In fact, she saw him when he arrived with Regina and then lost sight of him.

Emma frowned. “Who knows?” She was not Regina’s keeper. She could not even keep a discussion going, after all.

Henry scowled, staring in the direction Regina fled. “I hope she’s okay. She’s been down lately. I was hoping a party would change that.”

Emma arched an eyebrow. “Down lately? Maybe because of the Evil Queen or Robin.”

Henry shrugged. “I think it’s more she was worried you’d actually die, but in the end, you guys saved each other like you always do.”

In a sense that was true, but Emma had always thought it was true on so many levels. Eventually, she had to give up on that, which was one of the reasons to get married. But, if it was not true and if she was right to give up on it, why was Regina so pissed? Fuck.

“Kid… your mom…” Emma was not sure what she wanted to say.

“She’ll do what she has to for you to be happy, Ma. You know that, right?” He looked up at her with big, begging eyes. “That’s all she wants for you. I figured that’s all you ever wanted for each other.”

She understood that now. Was she wrong? Had she misinterpreted the whole thing? Her heart dropped into her feet. She needed to go find out. Regina was worth at least one last try.

“Kid, cover for me,” Emma said, already rushing off. If she was going to lose Regina forever, then it needed to be based on something they were both certain of.

“How?” Henry called.

“Seriously?” Emma could not believe her own child raised by Regina could not come up with some con to keep people from wondering where she was, even if this was her rehearsal dinner. It was time to get to the bottom of this whole mess.

Emma searched Regina’s usual haunts, but eventually found her sitting on a bench on the pier. Her brown eyes were focused on the sea, watching the sun slowly descend, still in her rehearsal dress. Emma sat down next to her, the rough bench digging into her butt, and the sea air bite at her bare arms. She ignored the chill. They were quiet for a long moment. Emma’s stomach flipped, but somehow, her muscles relaxed, which was a common occurrence in Regina’s presence.

“I admit I’ve made mistakes,” Emma said. More than what she did, it was what she did not do, what they did not do. A real talk needed to happen.

Regina scoffed. “That’s an understatement.”

“But, yours might cost you everything,” Emma replied. Beyond all the missteps and miscommunication, Regina’s assumption that she had been talking to herself might be the worst of it all. Regina was about to throw it all away.

“Funny for you to say that. You’re the one getting married tomorrow.”

Emma took a chance and grabbed Regina’s hand. Regina tried to pull back, but Emma held secure. Regina glared at her and Emma gave her a little smile.

“Can’t you hear me calling you home?” Emma felt like she had been doing that for so long, but maybe she was not doing it right. What did she know about home, after all? Well, she knew a little something. This was home. They were home.

“Stop mocking me. You’re the one who can’t get away from me fast enough. New York, Hook, marriage,” Regina spat.

Emma arched an eyebrow. Was that what Regina was going with? “All the walls that you keep building.” Massive fortifications Emma was too tired to climb over. Why bother when Regina would only put up another one?

Regina gnashed her teeth. “I’ve been nothing but open with you.”

Emma rolled her eyes and scoffed. “All this time that I spent chasing…” She shook her head. Regina might pause to taunt her, but inevitably, she refused to stay with Emma.

“You think you’re chasing me? I’ve been here. You’re the one moving at warp speed in the other direction.”

Emma swallowed a lump in her throat. “All the ways that I keep losing you.” She lost Regina to herself, her mind, and, of course, fucking Robin Hood.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that? You keep losing me? You pushed me away, you ran away, you won’t even look in my direction unless it has to do with a damn villain wandering the fucking town.” The vein in Regina’s forehead actually pulsed.

Emma took a deep breath. “The truth is, you turned into someone else.”

Regina shot to her feet. “How dare you?” Birds took off at sound of her thunderous voice. Emma expected it, but still winced. At least there was no fire, except in Regina’s eyes. “You’ve got some nerve to think I turned into someone else! You’re the one hiding behind Hook whenever something dangerous happens.”

Emma stood up, her nerves on edge. “You keep running like the sky is falling.” Regina did not know it, but she was as much a runner as Emma was. How could she not see it? Realize her tracks in the dust outpaced Emma every single time?

“I’ve got to do something to save myself from you,” Regina spat. That was shocking.

Emma furrowed her brow. Regina was trying to save herself? When Emma constantly called for her, wanting her to come back. “I can whisper. I can yell…” Her heart pounded in her chest. She was about to really lose Regina.

“You’ve never yelled unless it’s for help saving your precious Hook,” Regina hissed.

Emma sighed. “But, I know. Yeah, I know.”

“Then, leave me the hell alone.” Regina waved her hand and disappeared.

Emma huffed, throwing her hands up. Her heart continued to hammer against her ribs, paining her whole body. “I’m talking to myself.”

-8-8-8-8-

Finding Regina a second time was rather impossible. Emma went through every place she could think of and came up with nothing. But, eventually Regina had to go home to be there for their son. Emma waited, cold and hungry, but Regina was more important. Not her most ingenious plan, but it worked. It just took hours for Regina to come outside and join her on the porch. A frown etched in Regina’s features, looking dark in so many ways thanks to the shadowing playing on her face from the porch light.

“What do you want now, Miss Swan?” Regina asked, annoyance all in her voice. She stood at least a foot away.

“Talk to me, Regina. I just want to talk,” Emma replied. Her heart went a mile a minute and she feared she might start hyperventilating before she could get through this.

“Didn’t we already establish I’m talking to myself?” Regina pointed out.

Emma shook her head. “No, I think that’s the problem. We both know we’ve been having a conversation, but I don’t think we quite know what the conversation is and it lulls in weird places for both of us, but not at the same time and we don’t realize it. It’s not so much we don’t understand, but we’re just in different spots or something.”

Regina folded her arms across her chest. “Every time I think we have a flow going, you seem to pull away to who knows where.”

“I seem to pull away? Regina, ever since I pulled you out of that fire, I thought things would be different for us. Hell, I thought things would change when I pulled Henry out of the mine, but it never seemed to change. You always had all these walls.” Emma sniffled, but kept her emotions at bay.

Regina glared at her. “Emma, you took Henry from me after I swallowed a death curse for you, even though there was chance my mother would’ve come out of that well. I put everyone in danger for you. You accused me of murder on the word of a dog. You wanted to take our son back to New York without even consulting me. And, to slap me in the face further, you plan to marry the man who helped torture me, who planned to kill us, who tore you down for saving his miserable life, and you actually think you’ve been chasing me?”

“I went with Hook because you had your damned soul mate, Robin. What was I supposed to do?” Emma threw her hands up.

Regina sucked her teeth. “That’s a convenient excuse. What about before Robin?”

“When would I have had the time? I had only made things better between us when I came back for you in the mine. Then, in Neverland all you wanted was Henry. He was the only thing on your mind and I couldn’t try to distract you from him. I understand we handle stress differently and in this case, I let you obsess because I wanted our son back just as bad as you, but I can be distracted. After that, there was the curse and you were gone. You were fucking gone, Regina.” Emma’s voice cracked and a tear slid down her face. She wiped it away harshly.

Try as she might, Emma would never forget the hole in her soul at the time, being forced to leave behind her family, leaving behind Regina. She had nightmares about it in New York, shadows of losing something precious, something she did not have time to comprehend. She never knew what the constant agony was until her memories came back. Then, there was fucking Robin Hood in her way. The hole never left after she found out about him.

Regina’s jaw moved before she said a word. “But, then you came back and I was here and not only did you plan to leave, but you planned to take Henry with you.” Her voice broke and her eyes were fiery and shattered at the same time. “I can’t even begin to explain how much that hurts.”

“It was stupid. It was so stupid.” Emma could not help feeling like an idiot, like she could escape madness, escape Regina being with Robin, escape her feelings.

“It was at that point I started to figure out I was talking to myself.”

Emma shook her head. “You’re not. We’re not. We both know there’s a conversation. Have you ever had that with anyone else?” She dared not mention Regina’s dead lovers. The last thing she needed was for Regina to retreat. She would go after her, of course, but she wanted the cycle to stop.

Regina’s shoulders tightened. “I have not.”

Emma’s heart slowed down slightly and she quietly took a breath. “Me neither. I didn’t know something like this was possible. This thing between us, this conversation is real. It’s just like we’re both talking about clothes, but you’re talking about high end gear and I’m talking casual wear.”

Regina sucked her teeth. “Is that the best you can do?”

Considering the way her brain was going faster than she knew possible, yeah. “It is for right now. I just want us to be talking about the same thing and I think now we need to or it’ll cost us everything. That’s not a price I’m willing to pay, especially after you laid it out on the line. I’m not ready to end this conversation.” Emma tapped herself in the chest. She could not live with that void.

“You say that now and then tomorrow you’ll marry Hook,” Regina snapped.

“Fuck Hook! If a wedding has to happen tomorrow, I’d marry you before giving up on us!” That was the truth. Hook could not fill the Regina-shaped hole in her soul.

Regina blinked. “Do you mean that?”

“Yes!” Emma stepped closer, needing Regina to see the truth in her eyes, see it in her stance, and hear it in her voice. In every voice she had when it came to Regina.

“Then, what’s this whole relationship between you and him? I feel like I’ve been yelling at the top of my lungs to you and you’ve been ignoring me.” Regina pointed at Emma and then at herself.

Emma shook her head and her guts tied themselves up for a second. “I thought you were ignoring me. Like I said, we’ve been talking, but not really about the same things. The same subject, but not the same things. I’m here, though, Regina. I’m here and so are you.”

Regina hugged herself and frowned. “No, you’re not. You’re not my Emma. You’re _his_ Emma. You’re someone else.” 

Emma’s bottom lip trembled. “I’m not.”

“Love is weakness. He makes you weak, Emma.”

Another step closer and Emma stared down at Regina. “No, you make me weak, Regina, in the best way. I thought you were lost to me, so I gave up. Do you think Hook is the first person I’ve had chase me like a dog with a bone? I would’ve followed you the ends of the Earth if I thought I had a chance.”

Regina eyed her hard. “Emma, I literally went to Hell for you. That wasn’t enough?”

Emma did her best not to crumble in her gaze. “Yeah, but then you lost Robin and I remember how pissed you were the last time I came between you and Robin. I felt like that was the worst thing I could do and then I was encouraging you to kill the Evil Queen, which is like telling you to kill yourself, and then the wish Robin thing. I mean, I felt like this was all too much. How could you forgive? How could I ever catch you after all that?”

Regina sighed. “I don’t believe you thought I was worth the effort. You didn’t even try.”

Emma stood up a little taller and put all of her conviction in her voice. “You’re worth every fucking thing. I tried before that and didn’t seem like I was getting anywhere.”

Regina looked away for a second. “I felt the same. I saved you from the well. I forgave you for accusing me, for taking Henry from me. I followed you in Neverland and did the dirty work when necessary. The one time I felt like we were close, you became the Dark One to save me and gave me your dagger.”

Emma wanted to gather Regina in her arms and hold her close, but fought off the urge. “I trusted you more than anyone else with the damned thing. I still trust you more than anyone. But, then we fucked it up. _I_ fucked it up.” She hit herself in the chest enough for it to hurt, but that pain did not compare to the idea of losing Regina.

There was in a flare in those honey brown eyes, but her voice was powerfully pleading rather than harsh. “It wasn’t just you. I was supposed to save you from that and I didn’t. I used your magic, which I shouldn’t have, knowing what the Darkness could do to you. I made it seem like Robin was more important than you.”

Emma shrugged as her throat closed up. She swallowed, needing to keep more tears from falling, and forced herself to say something. “I’d have saved him regardless. I wouldn’t be able to let someone die like that, knowing I could’ve done something to help, even as the damn Dark One. But, it feels good to hear you admit it.”

“Maybe I needed to admit it to myself, too. I held onto Robin so tightly because I thought you were drifting away and I didn’t know how to get you back. No one is more important to me than you, except maybe Henry.”

Emma managed a smile. “Well, duh. What now?”

Regina stared at her with wet eyes. “Did I really turn into someone else?”

Emma scratched the nape of her neck, feeling like an asshole for daring to say something like that to Regina. She was lucky Regina had not put up the highest of walls to keep out the world. “At first, I meant as in when you ended up with Robin you were someone else, someone I didn’t know, like you said about me and Hook. But, it’s more than that.”

“How so?” Regina’s voice was so low and quivered.

“You turned into someone better,” Emma replied, just above a whisper. “You’re not the same woman who cursed these people or who planned to use the trigger or who followed your mother or even had no regrets when we faced Pan. You’re the person who wielded light magic when all her life she’s been told she’s dark. You’re the person who saves the day just as much as I do while everyone mumbles about you being the Evil Queen. You’re the person who follows an idiot to the Underworld to save a man you hate. You’ve bucked expectations while I’ve crumbled under them.”

Regina shook her head and grabbed Emma’s hand, holding on tight. “You haven’t crumbled. You’re just running, but you’re running to hold onto what you have. You have precious things.”

“But, I might lose you, the most precious thing. If I lose you, I know I lose Henry. You’re my family, every bit as much as Snow and David. You’re my family.” Another tear escaped Emma’s eye as she leaned her forehead against Regina’s. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you. When I didn’t have my memories, you were still there, but not really and it hurt. I couldn’t remember you and it still hurt. Nothing is scarier than that, not death, not being the Dark One. Nothing.” The tears could not be stopped.

“Agreed.” Regina wiped her tears with a tender thumb.

Emma shuddered under the gentle, caring move. Before she realized it, her lips were on Regina’s. For a millisecond, her guts rumbled, frightened that this would put them back at square one, but then Regina kissed her back. Her whole body hummed with soft energy and she gathered Regina in her arms, pressing her close, to continue the kiss. Nothing had ever felt so right.

“You felt that, too, right?” Emma asked, her voice quiet and content.

“How about we move this inside? I’ll have tea and make you cocoa. We can continue this discussion on the couch,” Regina replied.

Emma nodded and they went into the house. Tomorrow was a million years away for the moment. Right now, she had an important conversation to continue.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed that. Come say hi to me over on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/SL-Kassidy-482097488469386/). I’m going back to my padded room. Hopefully, you’ll be back when I return. Thanks for the support.


End file.
